It was an interesting game to play, and I think it probably does capture some of the book in the end. It's not a particularly fun game, but then that doesn't seem to be the point.
There are things I could bring up in terms of bugs, etc, but I think the main feedback I have on what the game is actually trying to do is that it's too easy for the player to disconnect what they need to do to move on from what is actually happening. I found myself trying to figure out how the game's systems for cigarettes worked, trying to figure out if it was necessary to hit the atm and store every day, etc. When I'm thinking this way, I'm thinking about the systems as entirely abstracted things, which doesn't really click with the experience the character is going through.
You could pose it as representing the players numbness in some way, but I don't think that disconnect really feels similar since the player has such a specific goal at any given moment. I think the key thing is to establish more of why the player feels they need these things rather than just giving the player a set of goals that must be accomplished to sleep. As is, I have a much more concrete goal and focus than the character.
I'm not really sure how you would go about improving that aspect, but it was interesting to think about. Thanks for putting this experiment together.