willx 2012-08-27 14:38
Nice text adventure, seems to either end abruptly from the path I took or I'm missing something.
Foon → Ludum Dare Explorer → LD24 → 2052
By mach60kas
| Category | Rank | Score | Count | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Coolness | 1 | 100 | ||
| Mood | 87 | 3.38 | ||
| Overall | 316 | 3.07 | ||
| Innovation | 329 | 2.95 | ||
| Humor | 361 | 2.08 | ||
| Theme | 426 | 2.76 | ||
| Fun | 492 | 2.57 | ||
| Audio | 586 | 1.30 | ||
| Graphics | 729 | 1.73 |
Nice text adventure, seems to either end abruptly from the path I took or I'm missing something.
Created a very good atmosphere, might have been better if the text segments were broken down with more options but other than that it was quite enjoyable.
Your work is well written and really ticks all the boxes on the dystopian sci-fi / cyberpunk cliché checklist (which in this particular genre is often what readers are hoping for).
The amount of interaction was disappointingly low however, and it felt a bit more like one of those novels written in hypertext instead of a proper game. The image in the opening of the game sets the mood well, and I would've enjoyed more visual elements throughout.
Yeah, I agree that I should have implemented more interactivity - else it isn't really a game as such, is it? Thanks very much for the feedback though! :D
Great! Haven't seen too many text adventures around lately, it's a shame. I really like the extra bits of background information you can access :)
Some really nice writing here! Very happy to find a text adventure in Marioland. Well played chap
I'm impressed at how well-written this was. You really created a cool, realistic universe, and set a nice mood. I could really see this story as a movie or big-company game or something.
Fantastic story. The "Restart Story" button doesn't seem to work.
An excellent narrative. And the library you used looks much nicer than mine. :D
Awesome narrative. I wish I could write such things. :)
Good story, and CAT sounds great.
Interesting idea and good world building. The setting and plot might be a bit cliché, but it is one of my favourites, so I'm fine with it.
Most of the writing communities I’ve been a part of breed incredibly unfair amounts of criticism, so I wouldn’t take what I say next personally. The writing itself is far above average, but it could be improved somewhat. Some typos and choppiness mar what could be (and almost is) a great atmospheric piece of writing, though that may be because of time constraints. The beginning doesn't really draw me in either. Still, great work.
Sidenote: we're allowed to fix typos and grammatical/stylistic mistakes might be considered typos, so would you be allowed to change huge amounts of your game?
@Mamick I think correcting typos is acceptable, since it isn't adding any new features as such. I think for instance adding a paragraph or two would not be allowed in IF/Text adventures.
I'd agree with some of the others who say that it would be nice to have a bit more interaction in the story. But I still enjoyed the story and thought it was well written.
Thanks for leading me to twine, it looks really cool. I like the setting and the story, especially impressive in such a short space of time. Like some others for more interaction but overall great job.
Nice, an old school text adventure! Great story, love the William Gibson-ish setting. I also really like how the text was presented, in a continually scrolling webpage, instead of through direct hyperlinks. It's a great format for interactive fiction - the reader feels like they are making the story as they go along instead of simply navigating a web page.
One bug I did find - I rewound to "Unlimited Research Works" and hit the ... This pulled up "Long Road Home" which only had "undefined".
Great work on this one, I'm interested to see the other endings to the story :)
Great! It's nice to see outside the box games here! I like your writing style a lot, the world was nicely detailed. Have you done other interactive fiction before? I'd love to play it if so! The downside was that it felt a bit random - you pick an option, and ultimately get to a good or bad ending, rather than having any chance to explore.
Overall, this was a very enjoyable read. :)
You did a really good text adventure! It's quite hard to compare it to the other games on Ludum Dare( No graphics, audio, etc.. ) But still, Nice work :-)
Wish I had the skill to write something like this! I liked the story but it was very linear (understandable given the time constraints).
There were quite a few typos, but the story itself is very enjoyable.
I really liked the story of yours. I would like to know what happens next :-) If you want to give this a reasonable amount of time, it could become very nice novel - Definetely, I would buy it. Good work.
Very different than the other entries I've played thus far. Took me back to the old System Shock games with all the non-mission-critical information you can gather that is just lore. Really well written but I wish it were longer or there were more breadth! Keep going with this :)
The story is interesting but lacks interactions for it to seen and rated as a game. It was great idea for a visual novel kost and wasted due to lack of time.
I think I would have liked to seen both a little more interactivity, and a little more subtle introduction (e.g rather than explain what a thing is, have the protagonist use it in such way as to make it clear what it is). Those are minor critiques though and I enjoyed it very much, thank you.
Oh, how can I not Weaponize the dustbin?
I wished I could write a story like yours!
Ran into a couple of 'Undefined' paths, and wished there were some more choices a long the way.
But very pleasant to read, I do enjoy IF. Good Job!
Good story! Well paced and has a lot of atmosphere.
Bad End ._.
I didn't expecting a text adventure, but it was surprisingly nice to read! Good work!
Ah, an interactive book...i like the idea but I love videogames too! , I would like to have more time :)
Nice little sci-fi-themed choose-your-own-adventure. It was interesting to read something in this style in a more modern format.
I liked the setting and the atmosphere. Some of the dialogue seemed a little hokey in spots, and the story seemed to end a bit too soon, even when I seemed to make all the right choices. I did find myself actually going through the different paths to see what would happen. It might be interesting to see this treated out into a full-length, interactive story.
Wow that was great, really captured the atmosphere of an oppressive dystopian state.