adrien-dittrick 2018-12-03 10:22
That was a nice read. I don't regret the choices I've made for tha better good. (I probably would have died of the cold a few times though X) )
Foon → Ludum Dare Explorer → LD43 → For You
By firebug
| Category | Rank | Score | Count | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Overall | 221 | 3.47 | 63 | |
| Fun | 234 | 3.30 | 62 | |
| Innovation | 382 | 2.79 | 63 | |
| Theme | 214 | 3.57 | 63 | |
| Graphics | 454 | 2.44 | 19 | |
| Humor | 334 | 2.28 | 18 | |
| Mood | 50 | 3.86 | 63 |
That was a nice read. I don't regret the choices I've made for tha better good. (I probably would have died of the cold a few times though X) )
@adrien-dittrick I'm glad you don't have regrets, haha. Thank you for being my first comment (and I hope you're staying warm)! :D
Nice to see a story here, good change of pace! Went through a second time to see what happened if I picked the opposite choices. Enjoyed it overall.
A nice evening read. Great work! :slight_smile:
@hypersnow @vilix64 Thank you very much! ^_^ I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
Amazing work, really impressed by the quality of the writing. Perhaps went for a little longer than I was expecting but maybe I'm just impatient
I'm not much of a reader, but I really enjoyed how immersive the story felt, and how it felt like your choices really had an effect and were acknowledged by the game. It had an amazing atmosphere.
@twopm @jackson-makes-games Thank you for feedback on the writing!
I couldn't get the game to run. I tried with Chrome (also incognito) and Firefox, but for both the screen was completely black. Do I need to wait for the game to load? Using Windows 8.1.
@hempuli The game runs in Twine and uses a HTML file, so I unfortunately don't know why it won't play for you. It is set to start automatically upon opening the page.
Hey that was very good!I became convinced that my siblings were destined to die (because of the theme) and thought very hard about how to keep them alive when i was given decisions. SUPER relieved that everyone made it.
Something different! Ah yes - There was enjoyable writing, and no tedious filler gameplay. What a treat! I salute you! Well done!
@swanijam Thank you! Caring for your siblings does influence the ending you will get, so there's that. ^_^
@simonthecase I'm glad you approve of the pacing, Simon! That's one of my main concerns. Thanks!
Good story, although the lack of visuals and music detracted from it a little.
I enjoy a good interactive story and this one was more than good :smiley:
I'm glad to see a Twine game at the Dare! The writing was very good, and there's a fair bit of it, which can be touch in such a small amount of time. It does end a bit abruptly for me, but that's probably personal preference. I will say that I didn't get the theme as much as I'd have liked in this. I get that I gave up things along the way, but I wouldn't have said that I sacrificed anything. But perhaps the sacrifices would have been bigger if I'd chosen differently. I feel it would have been more impactful to have died after the journey, sacrificing myself so my siblings might live. It felt like that's where it was going, but it didn't deliver.
A side note, it works better if you @ people when replying to them in comments. That way, they get a notification :)
@incobalt @darkianmaker @ludovico Thank you for playing! I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :D
I did consider death as an option at first, but then decided to instead have the empathy impact the kind of person you grow to be, and the compromises with your conscience/comfort you make. (Thanks for the tip on @ ing people!)
I liked this quite a bit. Even though expressed through simple text, it was quite atmospheric. Appropriate for the time period. As mentioned earlier, though, it didn't seem like the choices that led to sacrifices meant that much, but I can respect the creative decision that was made with it, instead.
Nice job creating the Script :) Some times I was really divided about what path I should go.
First things first: Please opt out of graphics and humor. The game isn't particularly humorous and it certainly isn't fancy looking, so leaving the two options in is like shooting your rating in the foot. It messes with your average (overall) score.
With my usual "opt out of this" rant out of the way, here's my thoughts:
I don't find this type of game particularly compelling, although this is just my opinion. Heck, my only release on Steam is a text-adventure hybrid (Terror for Two, go check it out, shameless plug stuff, etc.), and I still don't really like the genre. However, it is particularly well made for a text-adventure, and about as compelling as any good text adventure should be. My rating: 4 stars.
It's a game based on an overused fantasy (robin hood, in case nobody else caught that) in a stagnant genre that does nothing innovative other than re-word everything. Sorry, but the innovation here is low. My rating: 2 stars.
I think that your method of implementing the theme was a bit contrived. The impact that your "sacrifices" actually had was a bare-minimum. I understand that nobody wants to die to save the kids or kill the kids to survive, but that's literally the definition of sacrifice. Don't worry about being too dark: The theme is literally asking for the darkest satanic stuff the internet has to offer. Even if you changed it so that you could only survive by sacrificing your siblings, your game would still practically be sunshine and roses in comparison to most of the entries (mine included, mind you). Still, at least you're trying to be unique with the interpretation. My rating: 3.5 stars
The mood was great. You can't do a whole lot with text to set a mood and make the user feel emotions, but you did a pretty fantastic job of it. My rating: 4.5 stars.
Overall, it was a very nice execution on a poor idea. The idea has almost no innovation, no room for the entire graphics category, and moderate fun value. Additionally, the plot drops the ball and delivers without a valuable use of the theme. Spending a little more time planning the plot would do wonders to the overall experience, for future reference. My rating: 3.5 stars.
@dwam Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed the atmosphere. ^_^
@lucecyl Thanks! It's nice to hear some of the decisions weren't easy to make for you.
@koala-squad Thank you for the extensive feedback! I appreciate the effort. I'm glad you liked parts of it at least, haha, especially since it's not your preferred genre. In my personal opinion, games already train players to assume the NPCs will die due to making 'right' or 'wrong' decisions (leading to survival or death), and that type of literal sacrifice wasn't my aim.
The genre I consider more historical fiction than fantasy, as I delved into 12th century research and there's no magical elements. Time was definitely an issue while writing, however, especially toward the end.
I need sleep now, but I will check out your games tomorrow! :D
It's a nice game to play in the evening! Great Story!
@saltyleung Thank you very much!
Exceptional mood! I could realy visualize everything in my head because of the grat writing
@jaknak72 Thank you, I'm glad you found the writing to be effective! :D
Wow. That was amazing. I was totally immersed and careful with my decisions to get the children to safety.
As for the software you used. Do you know anything about Ink and how it compares to Twine? I was thinking of making this type of game myself, but I'm not sure which is better for me.
Great read. Thank you!
@ryzy27 Thank you right back! ^_^
Unfortunately I'm a newbie at making games. What you see here is what I managed to learn about Twine so far, I haven't tried Ink. Good luck making your own game!
Great reading experience! It is my first time to judge such a pure VN in LD. It is quite unique and different! I guess some background music could make it better.
P.S. my Firefox refused to run it in iframe. I opened it in new tab to play.
@lastleaf Thank you! I had to sacrifice Audio for the limited creation time, but if I continue this after the GameJam that would be a nice addition.
Maybe a security or privacy setting is preventing the game from running within the window? I'm sorry, I can't figure out the cause.
WoW! A Gamebook like game! It is interesting! Good luck!
Cool experience and good writing! Glad to see others textual games over here!
@falak @tom-kurcz Thank you very much! :D
You have talent for writing in a clear way, my brain didn't hiccup while reading at any point. And very good engagement with characters. (Warning, spoilers ahead...) On the first run, I almost didn't give Bertram my capelet, not knowing what consequences for sacrificing myself lie ahead. Was it not for his damn lack of complaining. Everyone arrived safe and sound. I replayed and went through other options. Interesting ways to end. Good job in overal!
Very interesting take on the theme even though I'm not a big fan of narrative games. You're definitely good at writing, nice one!
@kr4ft3r Thank you! Haha, judging by people I have watched play this story, poor Bertram was always the neglected sibling. (It suits his personality, I must admit.) I'm happy you were interested enough to play it twice!
@tanis Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the writing!
Good to find some interactive fiction in Ludum Dare. I thought this was very well written and put together. Nice work.
@garygreen Thank you very much! ^_^ I'm happy you liked it!
Great work !! Really enjoyed every bit of it.. I had to think to take decisions... Just a nice soothing music added would make it even better..Well done !
Great writing. I like the pacing as well. Very nicely done.
@sashbros Thanks! I didn't have enough time to work on suitable music, but I agree!
@kris-d Thank you! I'm glad you felt the pacing was appropriate!
The doesn't start for me, all I can see is black screen. Any hints on what to check or try?
@rplnt Hi! Have you tried opening the game in a new tab or different browser? I'm thinking it might be a security setting that prevents the game from automatically playing. I have turned autoplay off, does that help?
Good Story telling. Great job :smile:
Cool story, would've liked to see more choices though as there were only a few
@firebug It didn't. Some localStorage exception in the console (tried turning off adblock as well, no change). But I got it to working when I opened the url directly now. Hope it won't influence it much.
I am not much of a reader but I appreciate the effort and you joining in with the jam. Thank you.
Well done but too short...
@bumdag Thank you for reading! :D
@jihem That's interesting feedback, so far I've heard a few people say it was too long. Thank you for your input!
@rplnt I hope it worked! Thank you for posting the solution. I can't recreate the problem myself, unfortunately.
Nice game! It's like the old "choose your own adventure" books
@bumdag I would like to play this type of game with a longer story. Would you be kind enough to produce a sequel ? Please...
This was a great game! I'm glad to see a fellow text-based-game-maker in this game jam. :) Lovely writing, I liked how the theme was woven in subtly to the story, and I super appreciated the ending which for me was kind of a surprise ending? Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention. In any case, very cool.
Wow, outstanding writing. I'm really impressed with the quality AND quantity given the time pressure! I often find that text entries in LD start to wander and become disjointed, but this was very solid and enthralling from start to finish. Well done!
@jihem That's sweet of you to ask! Would you be more interested in more story about the children, or a continuation of the story as adults?
@kristinamay Thank you very much! I felt like the arrow icons and setting might be a giveaway, but I was hoping to surprise some people with the endings (Personally I like the selfish ending more than the kind one, haha). I'm glad you liked it!
@mrspeaker Thank you! I was worried the endings might feel rushed, as I submitted the game to LD in the literal last minute, haha. I'm happy that you found the writing to be suitable! :D
Very well written. Adding some music and sound effects would really complete the piece. I realize you probably didn't have the time or means though.
@firebug I think you could have chapters with the children that give a new higlight on chapters as adults. I liked a lot when they are in the childhood.
@aim Thank you! And I agree, sounds and music would be nice. Maybe a few small images, like a story book. If I turn this into a larger project, I will definitely look into that!
@jihem Thank you for your feedback! I will consider it. ^_^
Love the story, it's way longer than I thought!
Interesting game! ^^ That's definitively an unique project you've made there. Nice to see some variety in LD!
As others have pointed out, some audio, even just a music to help us fit in those days would have been great :) As far as choices go, I took good care of everyone (even thought the bandits must have a poor family at home) and then tried out the exact opposite. Anyway, good choice, it was a fun ride! :) Congrats!
@derlassehenrich Thanks! ^_^
@linky439 Thank you! I'm happy to hear you were interested enough to try out different choices. I agree music would make the experience more enjoyable, but I had no more time left to work on it.
Great writing! I really enjoyed progressing through this and making the choices. Even though one option was the less caring / more selfish one in most cases, it was neat how they were presented in a way so that both options seemed reasonable and justifiable if that makes sense. Audio would be a nice addition if you ever wanted to expand it further, but still a very nicely done submission overall :)
@devharts Thank you very much! I'm glad you found both routes justifiable in their own way, I tried to keep them gray enough to make it understandable where the character is coming from. I agree with the audio. Glad you liked it on the whole!
An excellently written story. I haven't played a text adventure for quite a while!
@joshyoshkenoshi Thank you very much! I am glad you liked it. Happy holidays!
That was a very interesting idea! I really tried to get the kids to safety! Would be nice to have some sounds :)
@kaeveris Thank you very much! And I agree with you about the audio, perhaps when I have more time!