FoonLudum Dare ExplorerLD27 → Notes on departure

Notes on departure

By withoutpillow

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CategoryRankScoreCount
Coolness1100
Mood1503.39
Innovation5682.94
Theme6773.04
Overall8412.76
Humor9151.57
Audio9601.32
Graphics10042.12
Fun10552.19

Comments

sebastian 2013-08-26 10:05

Very short, but quite powerful.

studioarmix 2013-08-26 11:17

I liked the smooth and clean way of telling a story. The premise of leaving something behind for (I take it as) love; like @sebastian said: powerful.

cubertoy 2013-08-26 11:21

A well writen story, with a bit of interactivity. This may not be a "game", ut it is great to experience.

paperblurt 2013-08-26 12:37

Too short, and not really a "game", but that's way it is with Twine games. It looked real good, but could have made something more of the two choices..

thejackimonster 2013-08-26 14:18

Short and nice! :D

robotparking 2013-08-26 15:04

Very cool. I like the changes to the Twine interface.

twilightflandre 2013-08-26 17:37

It's a short "game" but I don't mind that much. The story is clean and impactful. Very well written.

lizengland 2013-08-26 19:51

Awwww. Yeah this was great. Very moving in such a short time span. I adore the way you used the theme.

Twine is pretty much built for this kind of game. When picking a place to add player input/interactivity within a narrative... well, I think you did it right, in the way with the most impact :)

obscuremoon 2013-08-26 21:03

Wow, I was hoping in the second ending that I'd see him :'(

vasileiadis 2013-08-26 21:04

Interesting.. wish it had more parts :D

withoutpillow 2013-08-27 09:58

thank you all for playing and commenting!

pragmascript_ 2013-08-27 13:02

I liked this.

laelien 2013-08-27 13:13

Ooooooh. Nice and beautiful, well done.

chrisamaphone 2013-08-27 18:02

Lovely piece. :) Thanks for the comments on my submission, too.

tainted_code 2013-08-28 14:15

I was clicking all the messages expecting a game at the end but there never was one. So I re-played and read the story very epic and though provoking I wish there was a simple piano track behind it to give it more suspense/intensity!

gsmproductions 2013-08-28 14:16

Very gripping. Some will argue that this is not a real 'game', but I felt that the single bit of interactivity was really what made the story so impactful. Masterfully done.

muciojadpl 2013-08-28 14:18

Good and originally :)

lekochen 2013-08-28 14:19

Good one.

aglushakov 2013-08-28 14:27

Very interesting expirience!

sense 2013-08-28 18:19

That's short, but very good.

martin_monosys 2013-08-28 20:53

A bit short, and I didn't feel like I had any meaningful choices, but I guess my game isn't any better in that field... :)
Still, i get a feeling you could have done more in 48 hours if you really wanted! Maybe next time!!! ;)

theholychicken 2013-08-29 00:18

Wow! This one gave me the shivers!
Nice, small interactive interactive work with great impact :]

drubert 2013-08-29 00:58

Hey! Thanks for checking out my game. Loved how you were able to boil down the feelings associated with leaving in this one.

If you wanted to add on something, maybe show us a bit more of the situation from the guy's perspective, i.e. him rushing to get there in time.

m-o-u 2013-08-29 18:06

very criative, i see some innovation here. Good work!

zlowrance 2013-08-29 22:42

I enjoyed it :)

porglezomp 2013-08-30 02:31

Beautiful and powerful.

finnegan2100 2013-09-01 04:40

Was disappointed that it was so short. Started off really great!

almax27 2013-09-01 13:53

Nice storytelling, sad it's a bit short.

diptoman 2013-09-02 12:22

A little more interactivity would've been nice. Got both endings, though a note saying "LOL" may have screwed up one of them for me. :P
Good work!

withoutpillow 2013-09-02 13:02

@Diptoman: screwed up? seems to me like you got quite the funny ending. but after all, it's up to you how you want to interpret the story.

thanks for playing!

antidote 2013-09-03 03:54

Really cool xD "He" must have been very confused with my message...

mrodrigues 2013-09-05 02:32

Really powerful. Good narrative, and well chosen words for the links, though I think one of the endings could be a little more elaborated.

otus 2013-09-05 14:25

Very interesting take on the theme and storytelling :)

cyberyeti 2013-09-05 22:41

Nice mood and a really cool story!

p4nurge 2013-09-08 13:04

Nice, poignant little vignette. I enjoyed sending a hurried message and I enjoyed receiving it too. Thanks!

yakka 2013-09-08 13:29

Minimalist and deep :)

christina-nordlander 2013-09-08 19:24

Pretty good story, well-written, if rather short. A bit too non-interactive for a Twine game. I like the way you incorporated the theme.

Can't figure out how to get the second ending. (I thought it would come if you didn't leave a message, but that doesn't seem to be the case.) I might have to come back to bash my head against this game some more...

christina-nordlander 2013-09-08 19:43

Never mind, found it.

manuq 2013-09-10 00:44

I love this interactive fiction. I wish you continue doing things like this :)

foul 2013-09-13 22:59

This was cool. I like the effect of this kind of.. not games but rather "experiences".

georgebroussard 2013-09-16 02:53

Interesting. I typed "bye" and felt kinda bad :) Oh well, to the stars!

lalanl 2013-09-16 14:15

I liked this a lot. At first I thought the end would depend on what I left, rather than whether I left anything.

When I failed to write something in time, I discovered what the game actually is—a challenge against yourself to not just write, but also to be satisfied with what may be the last words someone who loves you may ever read. And the more you let yourself be immersed in it, the more important that decision feels.

I think the people who are saying this is not or may not be a game or putting game in quotes are being silly. It is a short, one-turn RPG, and it's beautiful and undiluted.

<3

cosr 2013-09-16 20:42

Short and simple, but still good. I found it unintentionally hilarious (in a way I really liked) when I misspelled my final message.