jaydubbyasee 2023-05-03 02:57
Fantastic writing and music! This was really dark, but I loved that, it really made each choice feel pretty significant. Awesome job!
Foon → Ludum Dare Explorer → LD53 → Delivery: New Hope
| Category | Rank | Score | Count | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Overall | 260 | 3.88 | 23 | |
| Fun | 897 | 3.07 | 23 | |
| Innovation | 505 | 3.45 | 23 | |
| Theme | 671 | 3.83 | 23 | |
| Graphics | 586 | 3.69 | 23 | |
| Audio | 175 | 3.92 | 22 | |
| Mood | 18 | 4.45 | 23 |
Fantastic writing and music! This was really dark, but I loved that, it really made each choice feel pretty significant. Awesome job!
What? You make it come true. When the theme came out, I also tried to think out a game related to child-birth, but i failed to manage that. You did it. It is an excellent story-telling game, with a simple way to play. It reminds me the time when i played Disco Elysium. This game would be more fun if you could add some mechanics and random such as rolling dices in your further development.
Nice interactivity
very cool story, have to try multiple option to dinish it ! thanks :)
Heavy mood, well done! Loved the music and the sudden forward looking glare when things got tense. Great job!
This was an interesting take on the theme that feels nicely polished. I found the narrative engaging and felt it tackled a heavy subject matter really well.
Though not big, but a catchy story. It is a pity that in this competition it will not be appreciated (
And the question is, is there only one positive ending?
Refreshing to see a serious topics handled in the jam. Very well written and executed. Definitely gave me something to think about.
Is a really dark subject but you handle it nicely. It was quite cool being able to explore the consequences of each decision. I see th connection to the theme, but is not the strongest aspect of the game. The mood is quite nice.
It was a dark but exciting game to play. I enjoyed it. Well done!
Great take on the theme, and good to see another text game in the competition (though yours is a lot more serious than mine).
I managed to get the good ending on the first try, and the good ending with the teddy bear on the second. Then I went through a few more times to get an idea of the rest. One bug I found was that the option to turn yourself in to the police at the bus station appears even if the police aren't there -- that confused me on the first playthrough. I'm also not sure I totally like the idea of graying out unavailable options rather than just not showing them.
I didn't like the typewriter effect on the text, though that is largely a personal preference, I turn it off in every game that gives me the option. I think it might have been better to either show all the text at once or make the player click for each paragraph, like how it's done in some visual novels. Some more art for the middle parts of the story would have been nice as well.
As for the writing, it was clear and engaging, but it might have been nice to get a bit more backstory about the main character. To an extent, the lack of this sort of thing conveyed her focus & the sense of being on the run and using all her energy to figure out her next move, so it's good that the narrative wasn't totally bogged down by inner monologue. But I think a few contemplative moments to get into her thoughts, such as before she settles down in the library, would have added to the story's depth.
Overall, nice job telling an engaging story that handles a serious subject with appropriate gravity.
@david-yates Thank you for the detailed feedback!
The "turn yourself in" option at the bus station is not a bug, though the label could have been clearer - it is possible to go through the game without having any way of getting on the bus in the end, so it remains as a "give up" option. Though it might also have made sense to disable it if any of the other options were available.
The graying out of an option is usually combined with changing the label of the button to explain why the option is not available (to make it clear which decision made it unavailable, and that it can be explored on another playthrough) - on the other hand it can also be immersion-breaking, so given more time we'd probably have made it a toggleable option.
Given an options menu, the typewriter effect would also have been toggleable. Since there is no option menu, we instead made it so that you can "skip" the typewriting effect by left-clicking, which will reveal the entire text immediately.
As for additional art, as well as some expanded segments with additional backstory and detail (both for the resting-segments as well as for some of the "persuasion" scenes), they were planned, but they unfortunately had to be cut due to the time constraints.
Thank you again for the detailed feedback and suggestions!
>The graying out of an option is usually combined with changing the label of the button to explain why the option is not available (to make it clear which decision made it unavailable, and that it can be explored on another playthrough) - on the other hand it can also be immersion-breaking, so given more time we’d probably have made it a toggleable option.
I think a toggle would be good here. On the one hand, like you said, it gives you an idea of what other things you can do -- in a way it simulates the protagonist having thoughts like "oh, I could use my flashlight now if I'd brought it" -- but on the other hand it's kind of like having spoilers. I can see arguments for doing it both ways.
>The “turn yourself in” option at the bus station is not a bug, though the label could have been clearer - it is possible to go through the game without having any way of getting on the bus in the end, so it remains as a “give up” option. Though it might also have made sense to disable it if any of the other options were available.
Ah yes, I got to the bus station where I couldn't get on the bus in one of my play-throughs, and that was the one where the option to turn yourself in seemed to make more sense, as the police are right there. That's why I thought it might be a bug.
>Given an options menu, the typewriter effect would also have been toggleable. Since there is no option menu, we instead made it so that you can “skip” the typewriting effect by left-clicking, which will reveal the entire text immediately.
Thank you very much for doing so!
>As for additional art, as well as some expanded segments with additional backstory and detail (both for the resting-segments as well as for some of the “persuasion” scenes), they were planned, but they unfortunately had to be cut due to the time constraints.
I had a feeling that might be the case. Ah well, that's game jams, there's never time for *everything*!
Cute game! Thoroughly enjoyed playing it. My only comments are that I wish there was more scenic art of the different locations and maybe the text could have been shorter.
Really cool game. I played through a couple times... the first time, I failed, but then the second time I was able to win (and then I was able to win with the teddy bear after that). I think the way that choices affect the story was pretty cool here. My first game I lost because I took the ride with my friend, which resulted in the police hunting me down. And then in the second game, I saw that some choices were grayed out because this time I rode the bus.
I personally like the graying out effect here; it makes the weight of my choices feel more real, I would say. That is -- as a player, I am aware that the game is not really open-ended, that the choices I have will always be finite. So the only way to communicate that something I did earlier is affecting me in some way is by literally showing it -- and I think it adds to the game.
One extremely minor nitpick: I think it would be worth considering having a reset button in the game, rather than having to refresh the page. I mean, on the one hand, forcing the player to literally re-open the book so to speak is kind of appropriate, as when you get to the end of the story that is literally the end. It's over. If the player wants to start over they'll have to manually retcon it. But, on the other hand, I feel like this game encourages exploring the branches to at least some degree, and having a reset button in the game could be an opportunity to have some custom animations or music or something that maybe made the reset feel right. I don't know. Something to consider.
It's difficult for me to write much about such a branching story, but there is one moment that I really want to write about. The very first choice, with the four items, and which one to leave behind -- it hits hard. The 'obvious' choice, and I would argue perhaps the canonical choice, is to leave behind the stuffed bear. There's just no way to know what resources you might need in the future, and when escaping a situation like this it feels deeply like you have to give yourself the best chance you can, even at the cost of everything else. At that sucks! And it feels bad in the game too. And overall it's a really impactful moment.
Overall, great game. Just that one moment I talked about sold it for me, and the rest was good too.
Very emotional game! Definitely felt the anxiety and hopelessness. The music also really helped to immerse yourself in this world. Played through it a few times and think you nailed the length and ability to quickly play through to a certain point.
The interactive novel offers a compelling and immersive way to explore these types of challenging issues that, regrettably, continue to impact numerous lives around the world. By drawing readers into the narrative, you effectively foster a deeper understanding and empathy, prompting further reflection on these complex societal problems. :heart:
Nice game with short sad story. I love it.
Love to see interactive novels in game jams. Well written but sad story. Loved going back and seeing my alternative options
I had to return to see if I could save the teddy bear