Foon → Ludum Dare Explorer → LD40 → Feathers
By mikomikisomi
| Category | Rank | Score | Count | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Overall | 454 | 3.55 | 21 | |
| Fun | 619 | 3.26 | 21 | |
| Innovation | 606 | 3.13 | 21 | |
| Theme | 322 | 3.73 | 21 | |
| Humor | 1 | |||
| Mood | 279 | 3.63 | 21 |
This is odd, I'm finding it considerably more difficult to critique a story than most other kinds of games. The story had a solid arc, building tension and eventually resolving. I do kind of wish there was more agency to the choices given along the way, I played through them in different ways and they didn't impact the story significantly.
Good job writing from the Harpy's point of view though, it felt a little alien (in a good way) and I felt emotions for them!
interactive novels are always very entertaining for me and are something rare, most people don't do them because they think- ehhh, it's not a game it has no actual graphics right? but I say WRONG! I think interactive novels are very entertaining, especially if you can enjoy a nice stor, and I'm very much a person who can really enjoy and appreciate a nice story. Which brings me to next point :D awesome story. I think it was really well written and unique xD definitely enjoyable. Well done overall, I liked. The story reflecting the theme really well. Awesome!
I like this, but might I have your take on how this follows the theme? I might be looking at your game the wrong way. If I have your perspective, I could maybe rate your game higher for 'theme'. I understand how the story follows the theme, but has the blue word mechanic got something to do with the theme as well?
Unique enter, not my style of game but enjoyed a lot the gameplay. Nice use of the theme
Alternately horrifying and charming. Good job for five hours work! One thing though, the link-reveals could be formatted to make it easier to know what you're supposed to be looking at instead of one big paragraph.
@king-kujito the blue word mechanic is just a mechanic for progressing the story. The entire thing revolves around the MC having too many feathers, which leads them to being an easy target. That's where the theme comes from.
I don't know if I am the right person to talk about a twine narrative game. It starts kinda slowly and with some repetitions (feathers, feathers), but then it gets really good, particularly for me when you get a sense that you chose your path (turn left, turn right). I also liked the end. It also fits well in the theme.
I really enjoyed this, and great use of the theme! It has a charming story and I got really invested just a few parts in. I echo the formatting comment about the link-reveals; they could be their own paragraphs or maybe a different color to help make them stand out.
Really nice entry though!
@mikomiKisomi thanks for clarifying. I thought I was making things worse by revealing more text because of the theme O_o
I would have liked to see the choices actually mean something, but I'm impressed with what you did in so little time. I liked the optional clicks that expanded the thoughts of the harpy, sort of like thoughts being refined in one's mind. Solid work!
Not really a game in my book, this is a story through and through. I still really enjoyed it though. There was genuine tension when the harpy discovered the carnival's true nature.
It was a good story. I'd have liked to have seen you use Twine in a more interesting, perhaps less linear, fashion. But good on you for deciding to make something, and especially cool that you used Twine.
note: I put [Kashiwa Daisuke's Crystal Valley](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grDODVw-Vbk) on in the background while playing this. Worked pretty well. The lively part of the first song even came up just as I got to the carnival!
Very enjoyable story. Something that I thought was sort of confusing that I actually grew to find pretty clever was how the in-paragraph words would reveal almost randomly-placed sections of the story. At first it was a little annoying, but then I thought of how well it reflected the scattered thoughts of the MC, especially near the end. I'm glad the friend turned out to be a friend; I was initially worried they'd ultimately be a trapper as well.
Great stuff.
Firstly, telling the story from the point of view of a harpy, was an interesting lens through which to experience the world.
Even though the story is relatively short, it touches on an impressive amount of themes: The blissful innocence of not knowing good friends from bad, the experience of making a new friend, and even darker themes like the uncertainty about the fate of loved ones, horror, and panic. Yet the progression and mix of themes still feel natural, if a bit fast paced due to the short length of the story.
As @jjjjason mentioned, the combination of various text-effects and placement, to represent thoughts jumbling around in panic, worked really well!
Considering the small amount of time you had to complete the game, it was probably a good decision that you decided to add extra depth to the story (i.e. opportunities to learn more detail), rather than extra breadth (branching choices). It still left the player with the single important decision of whether to engage fully with the story, or not.
The characterization of the various characters was short, but in most cases still sufficient to get a good sense of them. The carnival scene might have been more impactful if the build-up had been stretched out a bit before the reveal (e.g. by hinting at the cruelty to come).
All in all, this was an engaging story, with some interesting twists on how you used the medium!
>Friendless with feathers. >Siblings gone! New friend arrives! >Happiness at last!
I'm really sad about the poor harpy, I'm glad I get a good ending in wich it has a real friend. Nice story! I'm going to play againg to see what happens if i choose other options.