Alysson

remco 2017-04-27 00:10

I stand by what I said over chat. It's short, but packs quite a punch despite that! Of course I had to play a second time before my 'official' feedback, and that gave me the chance to do some things differently. While it still leads you to the same outcome before a certain choice, the second playthrough, more than the first, gave me the feeling of actually having some control over the character. Even though him not being the player is quite a large part of the point...

The only thing I miss somehow is the time to let some of the choices or impressions 'sink in'. Reading asfter all, takes up a lot less time than writing :smile: Well also some music, or sound of any kind. The upside is that you can just use your own music I guess? :wink:

I also found some more typo's then just the 'realizde' one I mentioned earlier. There is a misspelling of favourite in there somewhere and at least another-thing-I-can't-remember-right-now.

Before I close, I'd like to mention that the line 'Singular became pleural.' is brilliant (in context) and works on many levels :grin:

One last thing: How'd you like working in Ren'Py? Will you be sticking with it, or is it back to Twine for the next one?

jod 2017-05-03 19:44

Thanks for the feedback! As I was writing this, I realized that the game needs to be much longer and the change much more gradual for the intended effect to sink in. Loved working with Ren'Py, will do it again next time :D.

gamequester 2017-05-03 21:05

Yeah, I never played those kind of games before. I think this is really well presented as a jam game. I found the story quite believable until the end (I had the bad ending). I found the ending quite abrupt and would have prefered to have some more choices. But thats not as bad as it sounds. I think you did a really good job with this.

jod 2017-05-03 21:24

Thanks! I agree, for the endings to have much more believeability (that's not a real word, but you know what I mean, right?) and and impact the change needs to be much more gradual so the player feels more invested in case of the bad ending and much more bittersweet in case of the good one. Thanks for playing!

philomory 2017-05-04 21:17

Very nicely done. Packs some punch.

I could see where it was going very early on (end of chapter 2, beginning of chapter 3), and I wasn't wrong, but it went there with much more skill than I was expecting. I had what I _assume_ is the good ending, or at least, probably not the worst ending. As @remco said, could have used some audio, I think, but otherwise very good.

Anyway, kudos to you!

ventura 2017-05-07 18:55

lol, is it possible to win the game?, anyway so hard to flirt xD. I first tried saying potato all the time, it didn't work, I finished in jail. Then I tried more times but nothing.

Good game, nice story but really difficult. I think it may be quite realistic depending on the person. :) cool!

japes 2017-05-07 21:54

That was great. These kinds of games aren't normally my thing, but I think I played through to every ending! Would've given full marks for "mood" if it had some audio :) but it really got me at the "dark times" section. thanks and well done!

qzqxq 2017-05-08 06:58

I played through the game once and got the "good ending." The story was quite good; it was pretty short, but you did a very good job gradually introducing the more sinister elements as the game went on (I only began to realize what was going on in the supermarket the second time). The plot did feel a little rushed, so it didn't have as big of an emotional impact on me as it could potentially have (the lack of music/sound might have also contributed to this), but it was excellent given the time constraints, especially the part near the end. From what I saw, it seems like you're quite talented at writing, and if you expanded this a bit I think it could be a great game!

In addition to the lack of sound, there were also several typos (e.g. "halway", "dissapeared"). Normally I wouldn't comment on typos, but in a game focused on narrative, I do think it takes a little away from the immersion when you encounter these minor mistakes. This is still really minor, though, and I wouldn't take it into account when rating.

Overall, this was quite engaging and thought-provoking. Nice job!

arch-a-type 2017-05-14 03:56

Good visual novel game. The story telling was great as the plot moved forward. The story become more intense, with each progressing chapter, and while it moves quickly I did not feel too rushed. It was a great story and even though it was serious, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I would add some music to each chapter as the player experiences them. You could really change the whole experience by adding music that changes as the main character moves through the story, especially music that fits the mood. Other than the typos, this is a pretty solid entry.

Great job!

occultone 2017-05-20 06:58

So, to preface this: I don't like visual novels.

That said, I enjoy storylines that touch on serious topics I would have loved music that adjusted to the changing atmosphere.

The novel itself was well written, though there were some points that just had me go "What?", like the potato thing. Thanks for the submission!

jod 2017-05-20 11:08

@occultone, @arch-a-type, @japes: Thank you all very much for your comments. With regards to music: you guys are so completely right. What else supports a story better then some good music? Due to your feedback I am now in possession of a midi-keyboard and am learning how to make some (very simple) tunes of my own so I can create the music I want for a Ludum Dare.

tex-killer 2017-05-20 17:50

Very nice! This is the second game I see made on Ren'Py this time.

I found it odd that there is a Save screen, but no Load screen.

As for the game, good storytelling, and it is interesting that no matter what the stalker does or how perfect and undetected his stalking is, the problem is still there and you have to face it.

Good job! :)

tj-reynolds 2017-08-01 23:09

This game is incredible. The first time I played it i got ending #2/2 (the bad ending) and i want to know if i murdered the guy or not or what happened. Then i got the second time I played i got the first ending, and still wasn't entirely sure what happened, but the game is very beautiful.

2017-12-03 10:57

Wow ! A game made on Ren'py ahaha ! Good job, your game is beautiful. Maybe you can change the color of the answer / choice box ?

hit-a-crab-studios 2017-12-03 18:00

I appreciate seeing someone using Ren'py here ! Good job ;)